Pause Life : Spend Four Months On Perfect Reply : Press Play

The following extracts come from a recent article where, for the second time, a chef has taken offence to some aspect of Australian “journalist”, Tracy Grimshaw. On the first occasion it was with the Tourette’s afflicted Colin Ramsay, but this time it was with a local Australian Chef, Colin Fassnidge, of the Four In Hand restaurant. It all stemmed from Tracy ordering a meat free dish and the restaurant serving up a whole pig dinner.


Tracy Grimshaw debunking the urban myth that you don’t make friends with salad as on this occasion it was the whole pig dinner that commenced the whole furore.

The following are the twitter quotes made by Fassnidge via his @FourinHand account.

“Tracy grimshaw was vego who came to a whole pig dinner a complaned (sic), being able to see a whole pig. Might wright (sic) to ACA about idiot customers!”

“All our staff our (sic) liars. Tracy said nothing wrong … We lie and make things up??? Sorry for upsetting Tracy, hope you have a great weekend,”

“I should not be allowed to twitter I was right, i’ve upset tracy grimshaw for real and for once I am in the wrong, so sorry Tracy!”


Technologies like Twitter, Facebook, and Blogging allow almost any type of halfwit to spout crap at a large audience.

The article itself already held some amusement for me but one of the replies gave me a bigger chuckle. The reply was as follows.

<User Name Withheld> Posted at 11:38 AM Today
Mr “grammarian” her name is spelt Tracy….no “E”. Too funny.

I did a search of the article and found no examples of the name Tracy being misspelt with an “E” as TracE. I had a little chuckle to myself  over this reply, noting even the poor grammar in the reply itself, but then I stopped. I thought to myself, this unfortunate reply author that I currently mock is no different to me. I am sure we have all been in the situation where we think we see an opportunity to use a clever phrase or even just a specific word, such as Grammarian, to make the World’s Most Witty Reply. Unfortunately upon a second reading, usually done after the feedback is committed to the internet, we discover that in our haste to make the World’s Most Witty Reply we overlooked the fact that either the comment was not actually relevant or there exists some major grammatical flaw in the text. We fear that in hindsight what we actually produced was the World’s Most Shitty Reply.


I am sure many of us have some lame phrases that we are hoping to one day unleash on an unsuspecting victim. “Are you Tolkien to me?” I would say to those nerdy folk when they next ask me if I have actually read the books and not just watched the movies.

I know I fall into this category of trying to make clever replies, often making my attempted humorous references so obscure that when I read them back at a later point in time it takes a little time for even me to recall exactly what I was trying to be funny about. I assume an encyclopaedic knowledge of 70s and 80s culture coupled with a love of bad movies which, from my experiences of responses to my humour, is perhaps a smaller demographic than I had first anticipated.


My attempts at humour have quite often led to looks of confusion and genuine concern for my mental health. I could not be any happier with the response.

I welcome only fantastically witty comments for this post or any comments that I can provide a witty reply to using phrases produced by replacing the word talking or talkin’ with the word Tolkien. I’ll leave you with this clever quote from Oscar Wilde. I hope my hours of proof reading and saying it out aloud in front of my pet dogs has resulted in something which is nothing short of brilliant.

“I love Tolkien about nothing. It is the only think I know anything about.”


About Ape No. 1

This famous lowland gorilla was born on July 4, 1971, in San Francisco. He was a gorilla who mastered over 2,000 words in American Blog Language, allowing him to communicate with humans in an astounding way. Some people felt that he was simply making blogs without understanding their real meanings, in order to receive treats and rewards from his readers.
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2 Responses to Pause Life : Spend Four Months On Perfect Reply : Press Play

  1. You’ve placed the benchmark for comments incredibly high. I’m going to think about it for a few weeks and then come back and replace this comment with something earth-shatteringly witty.

  2. Ape No. 1 says:

    I eagerly await your refined response.

    Amusingly I had the opportunity today to use the phrase “Are you Tolkien to me?” after someone actually asked me during a company dinner whether or not I had read the books and not just watched the movies. Unfortunately it was my group’s VP so I refrained from unleashing my witty retort as I dislike the notion of living in a cardboard box in five years time.

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