Excellent Adventures Are Always Followed By Bogus Journeys

Gather round children and take a seat. Let me tell you a story from one of my earliest childhood memories. Well maybe not from my earliest childhood memories but at least from few days ago. It goes a little something like this.

I lay on the grass, arms nestled behind my head, looking up at the sky through the branches of the large elm tree. The warm sun’s rays striking my face seemed to work their way through my skin sending a warmth the whole long journey to my fingers and toes. A small bird landed on the branch above me. It looked about nervously, moving it’s head in all directions through a series of rapid and precise movements. Content that it was alone it began to make it’s way along the branch in a search of any tiny morsels of food that it could claim. I held my breath in an attempt to avoid making any noises that would scare the tiny visitor away.

Then a dinosaur ate it.


My attempts to find humour in online news publications for my blog keep on getting side swiped by the wet blanket of the online party often referred to as reality.

This is not exactly what the following article described but this is what I felt, well kind of, when I read the article. It described an almost spiritual experience of a diver who managed to stay in sub-zero temperature waters unclothed for over ten minutes. Apparently the whales were more comfortable with an unclothed human versus a diver covered in mechanical diving gear. The article used terms such as experiment and scientists to add credibility to the amazing story. Then the following final words of this article popped this icy whale frolic bubble for me.

“where whales and dolphins are caught in enclosures then tamed before going to zoos around the world.”



It will be great I promise. All the fish you can eat, meeting new people each day, and adored by scores of children. So just shut your fat beak and get into the crate.

I performed a search on Google using the terms “Beluga Zoo Captivity” and found a number of articles similar to the article below from Canada. Apparently these whales are endangered and protected, with Russia remaining one of the few countries still capturing these rare creatures for the purposes of  shipping to various enclosures around the world in exchange for very large sums of money.



Why did the big old mean online newspaper man make the funny go away?

When I first saw this article a number of titles for a post came to mind even before I had finished reading the article. Here are a selection.

  • “Flipper meets Slapper” (Slapper = loose woman for those more cultured folk)
  • “Naked Whales Swim With Divers”
  • “Electric-Blue Whales”
  • and a few others less savoury

Once I arrived at the final sentence though, I felt that all of the funny had seeped out of the moment. All that remained was a sad tale of these poor sea creatures who were lulled into a false sense of security, only to be then boxed up and shipped off like pet Sea Monkeys ordered via a cut-out coupon from the back of a 70’s comic book. I guess I need to toughen up if I am going to make it in this cut throat world of useless blogging. I’ll be funny next time I swear.


You think your so cool internet kicking reality into my face all the time. Well I’ll show you who the real boss is around here, sir. As I type this I already see that there is an article describing a device to make your television actually stink. I believe it is called X-Factor. Pow!! Cop that Internet. In your face!!


About Ape No. 1

This famous lowland gorilla was born on July 4, 1971, in San Francisco. He was a gorilla who mastered over 2,000 words in American Blog Language, allowing him to communicate with humans in an astounding way. Some people felt that he was simply making blogs without understanding their real meanings, in order to receive treats and rewards from his readers.
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