The Blogs Must Be Crazy

Alright you wise guy regular bloggers, I have a simple question to ask you all. How do I gain access to the official WordPress DeLorean time machine? Now don’t go getting all evasive on me as I know there must be some kind of time travel arrangement that allows some of you to post so frequently with such a high quality of content. What is that you say? You are just organised and make time to blog within your normal routine. What a load of Bullwinkle!! Make with the time machine bub or I will have to resort to a bold uppercase font for the remainder of this post. YOU THINK I AM BLUFFING!? Don’t make me underline as well.


Out with it <Name Withheld>! There is no way that you could have cooked that many recipes in the past week to generate so many posts. If you don’t tell us where the DeLorean is, the soufflé from your June 18th post goes swimming with the fishes!

I have tried in vain this week to create more regular posts but I have not been able to get anything to completion. Detailed scientific analysis has come up with some possible factors impacting my blog post generation process. These include general laziness, excessive Nyan cat watching, regular afternoon napping, but without a doubt the biggest factor is the lack of a time travel device. I know it exists as is evidenced by the frequency and quality of other’s blog posts. I am happy to negotiate a timeshare arrangement with the rest of you to gain access to the WordPress DeLorean. As I type this though something is not making sense. Is it actually possible to do a timeshare on a time travel device given that time would no longer be a fixed variable and the whole premise of a timeshare is predicated on time being fixed. Ow! My head hurts.


These confusing thoughts of timesharing a time travel device are making me tired. Perhaps I will just take a little nap and finish this post later…ZZZZZZ

I hope the select group of time travelling bloggers, you know who you are, can see fit to allow me access to the time machine, but if not I suppose I will have to accept that I can only post on a weekly basis and my desire to maintain two blogs is perhaps a little ambitious. Is it time to finally drop my Blogger blog and move completely WordPress? I know the vast majority of the internet community is on the edge of it’s virtual seats in anticipation of this world changing decision. On the other hand if I did have a time travel device …


What have we done Marty? We have now given Ape No. 1 the ability of blogging an infinite number of posts on any crap topic he desires. The space time continuum can not handle that level of bullshit for very long. Also Marty, what is it with you always wearing that stupid fly fishing jacket.


About Ape No. 1

This famous lowland gorilla was born on July 4, 1971, in San Francisco. He was a gorilla who mastered over 2,000 words in American Blog Language, allowing him to communicate with humans in an astounding way. Some people felt that he was simply making blogs without understanding their real meanings, in order to receive treats and rewards from his readers.
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10 Responses to The Blogs Must Be Crazy

  1. Ok, ok !!!! Ya got us, Jerky. (mandatory Jerky Boys reference). I confess. The Delorean is down for routine maintenance. The flux capacitor wasn’t up to the rigors of time – warping all that stainless steel,.anymore. It does work just fine in my HP Mini. That, and having a 300 post archive that almost no one on WordPress has seen before, does give me an unfair advantage. It makes up for the past 40 years.

  2. HoaiPhai says:

    I’ve been thinking the same thing about certain individuals having access to a time machine but for a different reason. Every once in a while, I get an idea for a blog entry and as I”m trying to find photos or writing stuff over the course of a couple of days (like you I find it rally hard to churn out items in an hour) and then I’ll see that someone has beaten me to the punch! Now I’m not talking current events here or anything in the news. Within the past couple of weeks I saw a blog that had photos of popcorn engaging in naughty activities and I had been saving mutated suggestive-looking peanuts for the very purpose of making a photo gallery of it here on WP! And then George (of the comment above) makes a Jerk Boys reference. Well the item I posted today at right around the same time as he posted his comment contains guess what? A jerky Boys reference! And there have been several other such instances. Sometimes I wonder if one of the prizes of getting Freshly Pressed is access to the time machine.

    • Ape No. 1 says:

      We must embark on a holy pilgrimage to discover the secrets of becoming enlightened or Freshly Pressed as the elders of WordPress refer to it. I only hope I am worthy of this higher blogging state. If not we can always just post a blog called “Freshly Pressed” in the hope that it may confuse the system and inadvertently place us on the front page.

  3. Well I have tried everything…I post everyday, I bat my eyelashes, I swear less, I am funny, well in my own mind I am…nothing. I am guessing that spelling doesn’t count nor does content some days, so maybe you need to be politically correct, in which case I am screwed, cause I am not. That could be the problem with you too. Maybe they just don’t like the funny people. In which case, it’s not us, it’s them…

    • Ape No. 1 says:

      I tried batting my eyelashes for a while but it just resulted in me quite often being thrown to the ground and held down until I could convince them I was not having a seizure. Must have been blinking a little too fast I guess.

  4. Pingback: The Freshly Pressed Prince of Bel-Air | The Simian Monologues

  5. Pingback: Posts ‘n Goblins : Time Extended!! | The Simian Monologues

  6. Thomas Wayne says:

    You better not break the space-time continuum! That’s all I’ve got to say…

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