Just Need To Reach 88 Blogs An Hour

Psst. Yeah you. Don’t look at me just act natural and take a seat behind me. I said don’t look at me!! They are listening to everything we post. I created a post yesterday demanding that the blogging elite allow me access to the official WordPress DeLorean time machine. I wasn’t really expecting anyone to take any notice of my article but then I discovered this news article today.


HONG Kong physicists say they have proved that a single photon obeys Einstein’s theory that nothing can travel faster than the speed of light, demonstrating that outside science fiction, time travel is impossible.


If anyone asks just say you came to this blog looking for tips on exotic topiary maintenance.

Not only does this news article attempt to make us believe that time travel does not exist, it uses the exact same image I used in my post. Yes, the exact same image!! The fact that it was released one day after my post is too much of a coincidence. Wait a minute! I think I hear someone. Quick pretend you are reading about topiaries.


The thing to remember about topiaries is that they are large and green and not to be confused with tapirs which are small and brown. Most are pointy and can …

I think they have gone. Where were we? I think this proves my point that the WordPress DeLorean exists and the powers that be are trying to keep it secret from me. I am going to need to be on my toes though in my quest to gain access to this time machine. This news article, whilst concerning on one hand, has given me some encouragement that I am on the right track and not on a wild goose chase. I think hear someone again. Click away from this post before we get caught. Quickly!!


When growing tapirs in your garden one must ensure a well lit area with damp soil. Go already I can only distract them for so long!! Crap, did I just say tapir …


About Ape No. 1

This famous lowland gorilla was born on July 4, 1971, in San Francisco. He was a gorilla who mastered over 2,000 words in American Blog Language, allowing him to communicate with humans in an astounding way. Some people felt that he was simply making blogs without understanding their real meanings, in order to receive treats and rewards from his readers.
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4 Responses to Just Need To Reach 88 Blogs An Hour

  1. Maxim says:

    Crap, I lost track at topiaries.

  2. HoaiPhai says:

    Oh, crap. Now they’re on to you and EVERONE that has (or will) post a comment on your blog! But we all know that that double-talk about photons being the fastest things therefore there cannot be time travel is just a black-ops disinformation tactic. Think about it…the Bugatti Veyron is the fastest car and it has “reverse”, right? Duh. Who are they trying to fool?

  3. Ape No. 1 says:

    Perhaps your crop hyphen is the aftermath of a DeLorean leaving your neighbors house at 88 miles an hour. I definitely think we are being watched by the keepers of the “device”.

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