The Freshly Pressed Prince of Bel-Air

Isn’t it always the way. You start out with the intent of writing a spoof article on being Freshly Pressed and you end up reading a strange post debating whether or not Jesus actually drank alcohol or not written by an author who appears to be too well versed in the mechanics of making wine. I will not express an opinion here but one dude walking from to town to town with another twelve dudes sounds a bit like a bachelor or bucks party to me. Hey I am just saying. If you are interested the link is below and you will notice that this article uses the term freshly pressed throughout so perhaps he too was trying to write a spoof article on being Freshly Pressed.

Blessed are the wine makers.

The other interesting little bit of information I gathered was the origin of the term blog or weblog. Originally blogging was simply the posting of links to interesting little dark corners of the internet to create a virtual collection of pathways to make it easier for others to get to these little nuggets of online gold. The view was that if your weblog contained too much original material then you needed to work on your humility. Hmm…

Lucky that my blogs are small and humble, So you don’t confuse them with mountains

Humility they say. Perhaps I should have worn something else to this post. Damn this wine is good. You sure you don’t want a drop JC? Oh you don’t drink when on duty.

My initial outline for this article had been pretty simple and went a little something like this

  • Announce my imminent Freshly Pressed status
  • Thank random celebrities and identities in history
  • Be interrupted mid acceptance speech by WordPress officials
  • Realize Freshly Pressed status was not coming
  • Storm off into blog trailer and slam door behind myself
  • Blog out

This initial blog idea will never be written as in true Ape No. 1 fashion any attempt at using preprepared material usually results in it being abandoned at the last moment with some other last minute random collection of thoughts. I can also neither confirm or deny the involvement of any other bloggers in this Freshly Pressed caper. Any other articles posted on this topic by different writers can be attributed to simple coincidence. For those scratching their heads on my DeLorean references in the captioned image below I suggest reading my earlier post The Blogs Must Be Crazy.

I must accept that the keys to the WordPress blogging time travel DeLorean will remain an elusive prize. Also if I need to wear tartan to the Freshly Pressed presentation ceremony then I may need to reconsider my desire to get these elusive keys.

I have discovered that I don’t follow most people’s recommendations on writing a good post but then again I am not sure what the term “a good post” means. I can say I enjoyed two tips that I saw numerous times on various articles on blogging. The first was use bullet points as everyone likes a good bullet point. Unless you are a foam target sporting concentric circles I suppose, but I doubt this is the demographic this writer was attempting to address with this advice and I have to admit this tip did give me a bit of a giggle. Secondly a good title is important as the initial glance of your post title must grab peoples attention. I found this article on my archaeological dig for blogging tips.

Magnetize Audience to Your Bog – Strategies

The article itself contains some reasonable advice on commenting and other strategies but the main reason I followed the link was because of the title. I instantly imagined myself luring people into an Irish peat bog with my writings to forever trap then in my collection of nonsense and outright childish ideas.

What do you mean I have to actually post something that people might find interesting. I don’t know why WordPress even hired you Mr Orbison as a blog advisor. What?! You are going to criticize my poor proof reading and research skills now. Well which one of the Beatles are you then?

So what have I learnt in this failed Freshly Pressed caper. Firstly I always find it difficult to end a blog post and usually resort to a morale of the story style approach. Secondly … well probably just the first one again. Um … Over and out I guess?

I am a little concerned that perhaps I have learnt a little too much on blogging in the process of writing a spoof article on blogging. I have strayed from my posting principles of more crap less content. Sigh.


About Ape No. 1

This famous lowland gorilla was born on July 4, 1971, in San Francisco. He was a gorilla who mastered over 2,000 words in American Blog Language, allowing him to communicate with humans in an astounding way. Some people felt that he was simply making blogs without understanding their real meanings, in order to receive treats and rewards from his readers.
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5 Responses to The Freshly Pressed Prince of Bel-Air

  1. HoaiPhai says:

    Well, you certainly have strayed from the BS Blvd.! Cudos to the finely-researched blog. If you refuse to provide the crap your readers have come to love and expect from your blog, please allow me to strain to meet their expectations…

    Your wine-shunning first link’s author does not speak for all Christians! I seem to remember going to the Greek Orthodox church when I was a kid and at Communion, they gave you (even little kids) a sip of real wine! Now I don’t know if it’s true, but I believed it when I tasted it but then I was not much of a connoisseur of fermented grape products (then). You’re right… thirteen guys going town to town does sound like a road trip! I’m not even going to get into the religious implications that the number of Apostles exactly equals the number of ales in a small case. Seriously, more than one student of theology I have known told me that wine is kind of like a test… responsible sipping is OK but don’t be tempted into drunkeness.

    It’s interesting that Jorn Barger states that a blog is not a string of personal opinion and that it really more of a list of links, yet I counted ten numbered opinions and just one link in his blog entry! But who am I to judge?

    Who is Elvis teaching to read in that picture? Anyone we know?

    Lovely piece, Ape No. 1!

    • Ape No. 1 says:

      I always remembered real wine being used when I used to go to church as a lad. Interestingly these images, plus one of an excited gentleman in a hotdog suit, were the ones I collected for my initial article. Once I started looking into blogging and being freshly pressed the images told a different story and remained in essentially the same sequence minus hotdog suit guy for the final post.

      You were waiting for your picture to complete your post and I appeared to be waiting for the words.

      • HoaiPhai says:

        I had the words ready a couple of days ago but my days off are Thursday and Friday. I work nights so Thursday is a write-off… I’m usually exhausted and it is my day to turn my schedule around by about 12 hours. Then Saturday I was going to buy the cheese but my brother game over and so I skipped lunch. Then I went back to work and pressed ever so freshly a grilled cheese Sunday before passing out due to my schedule being flipped another 180° (explaining some of the grammatical errors in my comment above).

        I always get a kick out of your images. I was going to say something about how young Pricilla Presley looks in that photo with Elvis but I held back.

  2. you had me at ‘lucky that my blogs are small and humble’ great post!

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