Ape’s Kung Fu Themed Easter Special

It is that time of the year again when everyone jumps onto the ghoulish Halloween bandwagon in some fashion and for bloggers everywhere I imagine it is no different. I may have strayed a little off topic in this post but at least give me a chance to explain how I arrived at a post that warrants the above title. I must warn you though that the mental process I will now disclose may cause some disorientation, nausea, and some aspects may frighten young children. It all started out, as it would for everyone attempting a Halloween post, by typing the following two words into Google’s image search.

“Easter Duck”

What a refreshing palate cleanser Ape. We have been stuffing our faces with so many Halloween posts in the last week and a little side of crap would be most welcome.

I figured every man and his dog would have been producing something on Halloween, Christmas was just around the corner so some some posts on this topic would already be appearing, but surely no one would have thought about jumping in early on the Easter hype and even if they did why would they also include a duck? I can sense your knowing nods as you appreciate the genius of my first-in best-dressed duck themed Easter post. Like Wile Coyote looking at the blueprints of rocket powered roller skates and a suspended boulder, I knew I was onto a sure winner.

The tension in this image is palpable as both of these majestic animals square off in a fight for Easter. Neither can look the other in eye as their minds would be filled with violent thoughts. I am so glad that I am not the only one who can sense this impending battle as captured in this image.

After finding the above image It was obvious that this post could only go in one direction. A story centered around a battle to the death between the Easter duck and bunny to see who would rule over this chocolate filled Pagan celebration. I made myself a cup of tea, I cracked my knuckles, took a deep breath and typed in the next inevitable words into Google’s image search again.

“Duck Punch”

Really? Duck shaped fist is a thing? Not Dragon scale elbow, or Shark tooth knee or Leopard legs? Duck?

Kung Fu had decided it wanted to make an appearance in my Halloween post. At this point I was well and truly off the Halloween topic and venturing into the all too familiar crap zone that I seem to spend far too much time in. I decided to press on and see if I could top Duck Shaped Fist. Turns out I could. Behold the deadly beauty of Kung Fu.

Feel the wrath of my hexagonal fruit based carpentry tool!

By now, if you have actually read this far, you are probably ready to get back to your Halloween themed post reading. If that is the case then my job of offering up a Halloween post palate cleanser has been achieved and enjoy the spooky reading ahead of you. For those who wish to remain in this strange place that is my mind I suggest you take a good hard look at yourselves and try to work out when things started to go wrong.

Happy Duck Easter!! (You know as well as I do that the duck would win)


About Ape No. 1

This famous lowland gorilla was born on July 4, 1971, in San Francisco. He was a gorilla who mastered over 2,000 words in American Blog Language, allowing him to communicate with humans in an astounding way. Some people felt that he was simply making blogs without understanding their real meanings, in order to receive treats and rewards from his readers.
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6 Responses to Ape’s Kung Fu Themed Easter Special

  1. my kung fu beats his kung fu

  2. YES! The images are playing over and over in my mind, though I have never seen them.

  3. Pingback: Move Along People. Nothing To See Here. | The Simian Monologues

  4. HoaiPhai says:

    Har! Great post! The captions alone were worth the read but the inside view into the Ape Patented Creative Process was the icing on the, er, Easter egg. You’ve made me realize that I haven’t created a truly crap post of my own in a while and now that I’ve given up on waiting for my brother to amble ’round and heal my computer, I went out and bought a power supply and intalled it myself without setting off any smoke alarms, so I’m finally good to go. I like the title of the last Kung Fu lecture… sounds like the title of a Chinese porn DVD.

    • Ape No. 1 says:

      Looking forward to the new barrage of crap. I can see you holding aloft your PC and calling out to the skies “By the powers of … well this new power supply! {HoaiPhai Man!} I have the power!!

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