People wanna know if Macho’s Ape’s still in the ring
People wanna know if Randy’s Ape’s doin’ his thing
Everybody’s talkin’ wanna know this and that
So I’m a tell ya right now Randy Savage Ape No.1 is back
Ape has been away for a few weeks mastering the skills of striking out words in his post. Prepare yourself for a gratuitous display of strike out usage.
Well if you want to know the truth behind my absence it is simply that I have been traveling on business again. This time I spent some time in the land of baguettes and expensive handbags otherwise known as France. Will I talk about my trip and share some of my experiences in this land full of culture and highly odorous cheeses? No. Instead I will focus on the time spent flying to and from France. I am from Australia and let me assure you that it is a friggin’ long way to go and filling in the time on a trip that literally involves being in the air for a full day each way is a challenge. What did I do aside from attempting to unsuccessfully sleep? Watch movies. A lot of movies. I thought I would at least salvage some of my experiences for this blog and give some brief reviews of the movies that were available on my flights. I have never done movie reviews before but let’s give it a shot anyway. In no particular order I will start with …
Icelandic dude with thinly veiled Australian accent loses hammer and gets sad. Makes up for it by kissing Natalie Portman.
The Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes
Smart ape wears comfortable pants and starts a smart ape posse. Does not have enough comfortable pants for all of his new friends.
X-Men First Class
Film industry helps out with Six Degrees To Kevin Bacon challenge to compensate for not being able to afford more than 37 seconds of Wolverine time. Guy finds a hat and keeps it.
Film director/writer attempts to remake Stand By Me but is forced to add E.T. theme by the films producer. Film director/writer reluctantly adds alien and flat packed space ship from Ikea but insists that the cute fat kid must stay.
Pirates Of The Caribbean On Stranger Tides
Emo pirate loses ship and begins quest for cursed gold fountain of youth which is finally located at the same a different cave set as the first movie. Lack of script due to rush to release early cleverly disguised by distraction of … Ooh look at that. Pretty mermaids. So pretty…
Mildly entertaining childrens film allows traveller, who has almost run out of new release options, to avoid the elephant movie starring that annoying pasty faced vampire actor.
Hopefully I have not revealed too much of these movies to ruin it for those of you who have yet to see some of these films. Long flight aside, at least this trip was much better than my earlier trip to Beijing where I came down with the Beijing Poops and was unable to post due to the Chinese government internet restrictions.
On my next trip to China I will endeavour to bring an assortment of lucky cat statues to ensure that I can avoid acquiring another painful bowel based affliction.