An Australian university has recently conducted a study showing that social networking technology, such as Twitter, could be beneficial for shy students who under normal circumstances find it difficult to ask questions in class. Southern Cross University lecturer Jeremy Novak said in a statement posted to his twitter account @LearnOrGTFO
imao, kibo, mtfbwy. hdylta!
(In my arrogant opinion, knowledge in bullsh@t out, may the force be with you. How do you like them apples!)
Other institutions have also taken to the approach of using modern technology to better engage the socially inept uber nerds with game platforms such as World Of Warcraft.
This approach has proven successful in getting kids to be more involved in their education. Important topics such as the understanding of racial differences between Orcs and humans and the Corrupted Blood plague incident of Patch v1.7 are giving our kids the right tools to be successful in their future endeavors.
“Haha. Mr Jones is making all of the pretty people play WoW with me. This is just like my recurring dream except that here I have a legal obligation to always wear pants.”
This is not the first time that an indirect approach to teacher-student communications has been used in our classrooms for shy students, with some attempts dating back many hundreds of years. Very few though have enjoyed any real success. The following is a collection of numerous attempts from throughout history to help the shy student.
Whilst easy on the Education Department’s budget, this approach was abandoned after the teachers and the other normal students realized that they did not really care what the shy students were saying and wanted a more discreet way of ignoring these less confident and less glamorous of pupils than simply telling them to STFU.
This particular approach was short-lived for many reasons but on a positive note was responsible for a small boom in the eyepatch industry during the early 1800’s.
“Hey guys come and check this out! If you press her cheek here it opens up her mouth and her head starts to vibrate. What kind of stupid useless feature is that for a robot!” – This particular Japanese robot was recalled from schools after if was discovered that the mouth fed coffee bean grinder would eventually overheat and catch fire. Coffee making capabilities were removed from future models.
Proxy Arithmetic Horse
This approach was very successful in the field of mathematics but eventually it was banned from most colleges after suspicions of these proxy arithmetic horses taking student’s places during inter-school track and field days. There was never enough evidence to confirm these suspicions. Coincidently during this period a number of track and field records were broken that to this day are proving near impossible to beat.
The use of a telepathic cat was from the start a controversial and difficult program to rollout. These felines were difficult to train as they had an uncanny knack for knowing exactly what the trainer did not want them to do. Many students complained of blacking out during classes only to then wake up with the faint taste of kitty litter in their mouths.
Question Delivery Hawk
This approach was touted by many shy students as the ultimate solution to the problem and did appear to be effective. Unfortunately the Education Department felt that it made these quiet losers look too Bad Ass as they walked around school yards with a bird of prey perched boldly on their forearms. The program was shutdown a mere two months after it’s commencement.
This approach was popular in the 90’s where a student would outsource their learning to a call center student. This approach was stopped after 5 years when it was discovered that this program resulted in highly educated call center workers who would then leave for further study and highly paid executive jobs leaving the original student with few options but to look for a low education job in a call center.
With society and technology constantly evolving one can only imagine what other doomed-to-failure approach researchers will be proposing in the future to address the dilemma of kids not enjoying school. One of Mr Novak’s students summarized the topic nicely by tweeting his enthusiasm for the university program.
“School can ESAD”