The Emperor’s New Coffee … Stinks Like Chic

Coffee aficionados in Australia are excited about the opportunity to finally drink coffee sourced from the droppings of the exotic feral civet. At $400 per kilogram the luxury of drinking this coffee does not come cheap, but all agree it is worth the cost. The following are testimonies from some of the lucky few that have had the opportunity to drink this defecation decaffeination glory.

It feels like you are transported back to the exotic jungle from where this coffee was born, with the sounds of wild parrots and dogs and stuff playing in your head. Are you sure my friends will be reading this article? Even that cute guy from the book shop? Good. Jane will just die when she finds out what I have just been sipping on. Er, could I trouble you for a breath mint before I go?

We have already posted on our joint Facebook page, twitter account, tumblr page and called all of our friends to tell them that we have tasted the nectar of the gods. You wouldn’t have a pack of Mentos we could borrow before we leave to work this morning.

It just makes me feel like there is a party in my mouth and definitely not one of those sorts of parties where poop is thrown around in a bizarre fetish ritual whilst adults play Twister in diapers. No, not all like that. Just a regular party with streamers and donkeys with no tails. Don’t you feel the same Rhonda? Any mint chocolates to accompany this coffee. Great, I’ll have fifteen if that is ok.

Has that thing stopped recording? Are you sure the pellets that come out of that stupid little jungle cat’s freckle are a processed coffee bean. You do realize that this tastes like … What? It’s still recording? I meant what a fine coffee. So gooood.


About Ape No. 1

This famous lowland gorilla was born on July 4, 1971, in San Francisco. He was a gorilla who mastered over 2,000 words in American Blog Language, allowing him to communicate with humans in an astounding way. Some people felt that he was simply making blogs without understanding their real meanings, in order to receive treats and rewards from his readers.
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8 Responses to The Emperor’s New Coffee … Stinks Like Chic

  1. HoaiPhai says:

    I wonder if anyone’s selling special bean grinders that look like a squatting civet and the powder comes out the civet’s… well, you get the idea. The problem with these high-priced delicacies is that you can rarely try just one cup before you buy it, making it difficult to get people interested. I think I’ll ease my way into this trend as cheaply as possible by feeding my nephew Ned some arabica beans and see where it goes from there.

  2. Thomas Wayne says:

    We discussed this coffee made from poop at my blog a while back, and it was called the world’s most expensive coffee, at up to $600 per pound and $50 per cup. I like how one reviewer said, “There’s something else there, a nuance in the flavor profile that I can’t describe, and when I’ve challenged others, no one else can either. It’s almost alien, a tiny little flavor note, highly exotic.” Yeah, it’s POOP! As the saying goes, crap by any other name still smells the same… I reckon you could say it tastes the same, but I personally haven’t done any research on that one…

    ThinkGeek now has some you can buy for $34.99, and they call it “Civet Crap Choice Coffee”. Great name! The slogan is “Out the butt and into your cup”.

    I don’t plan on ever trying this coffee, even if it was free…

    • Ape No. 1 says:

      $34.99 stills sounds a little steep if you ask me, but if we split the cost and shared a cup as two bloggers who have posted on this topic it could make for an interesting follow up joint post. It could be titled “Two Bloggers One Cup”. Though for some reason that title still has an air of poop about it…

      • HoaiPhai says:

        Can I get in on this collaborative post, too? Maybe my contribution could be reviewing the porcelain coffee maker that is rumoured to be required to prepare “poo brew”.

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