PETA Has No Beef With New Artificial Meat Substitute

Thousands of farmers have welcomed the introduction of non-animal sourced meat via a patented process developed and introduced by German scientists. PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, had offered a one million dollar prize to whoever from the scientific community could artificially produce meat indistinguishable from the real thing and many from around the world took them up on the challenge. The costs of raising animals destined solely to be Sunday’s roast and also the ethical aspects of the slaughtering methods of these animals has made this a difficult and morally challenging means of making a living. This new process allows farmers a more efficient and cost effective means of providing meat to the ever growing demand from the world’s population.

Local Wisconsin cattle farmer Herbert Brown was the first in the world to embrace the new humane approach to producing meat for human consumption and had the following to say.

“Raising beef cattle was a grueling and sometimes heart breaking job but since rolling out the new substitute meat process not only have I been profitable for the first time in many years but it has giving me the time to finally get back to my true love. Hunting. I mean I must have shot at least one hundred different animals and critters just yesterday alone. This does not even take into account what my boys and wife took down. They were shooting anything that moved. Hell I think little Timmy took out a hummingbird from just three feet away. Good times.”

Herbert Brown and his sons expressing the level of happiness and joy one can only find when hunting as a family.


About Ape No. 1

This famous lowland gorilla was born on July 4, 1971, in San Francisco. He was a gorilla who mastered over 2,000 words in American Blog Language, allowing him to communicate with humans in an astounding way. Some people felt that he was simply making blogs without understanding their real meanings, in order to receive treats and rewards from his readers.
This entry was posted in Satire and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to PETA Has No Beef With New Artificial Meat Substitute

  1. HoaiPhai says:

    Maybe together you and I can open up a skeet shooting place that flings chunks of PETA-endorsed veal into the air instead of clay pigeons!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s