In scenes reminiscent of the iPhone 5 launch that never was, millions of technology fans have been left disappointed once again after Apple, during it’s much anticipated press conference, failed to announce a new iPad but instead unveiled a cheap and commercially ready to deploy cure for Alzheimer’s disease. Apple had been working secretly in this area for the last two years after collaborating with two relatively unknown Hungarian researchers who had made a significant breakthrough in linking a small growth in the cerebral cortex to the onset of Alzheimer’s. In a simple and safe procedure, the affected area of the cerebral cortex can be treated resulting in a full recovery in patients at any stage of the disease.
The new treatment launched by Apple, iRememberYouNow (TM), allows those suffering from dementia to make a complete recovery and once again enjoy an independent and fulfilling life.
Apple stock plummeted in value soon after the announcement with a massive 65% reduction in the company’s market value by trading days end. Analysts stated that Apple’s failure to live up to the rumors of a slimmer, more powerful, and higher definition iPad have really impacted the world’s trust in the company ever being able to produce anything significant and innovative again without the late Steve Jobs at the helm. The iRememberYouNow (TM) could be looked at in the not distant future as the poor decision that ended this once inspiring and successful company.
Angry customers vented their fury at Apple stores around the world culminating in violent clashes with police at various locations.
It is unclear if the technology giant can recover from this disastrous announcement but already there are some early signs that many diehard fans are placing their orders anyway for this medical treatment despite the obvious lack of a high definition screen and 4G support. Whether this grassroots support is enough to keep the company afloat is yet to be seen.
Apple Employee: Sorry dear but you are going to have to stick with your iPad 2 for a little while longer.
Elderly Lady : Are you the Queen? You smell nice.