Dick Cheney Has Heart Implant Surgery


Dick Cheney is recovering at the Inova Fairfax Hospital in Fall’s Church Virginia, after enduring a marathon eight hour surgical procedure to have a heart implanted into his cold and empty metallic chest. Doctors have been positive about Cheney’s progress and have indicated he may be back at home with his family within the week. There were initial concerns that his body would reject the new heart but a timely visit by three specialists, who walked Cheney through his past, present, and future, was able to prepare the 71 year old for the prospects of living with a heart.

Cheney is already showing signs of humaness and frivolity with his nurses stating that the number of fellow patients he has shot in the face has decreased dramatically since the operation.

George Bush has been visiting his old friend and doctors have already begun to see changes in the way that Cheney has reacted to these visits. The following images show the progress Cheney has made since receiving his new heart.

Cheney: I think George needs to come with me on a hunting trip very soon. Very soon.

Cheney: You know, from this angle he kind of has a handsome jaw line. Still stupid but I have to acknowledge that strong jaw line.

Cheney: He has the most beautiful eyes and his breath smells like a warm log cabin. I wonder what he thinks of me?

Cheney’s success brings hope to many other individuals who are still on the waiting list for a heart implant. Families of other’s like Simon Cowell, Geraldo Rivera, and Kanye West hope that their loved one’s could one day be given the gift of a heart, allowing them, like Cheney, to lead a normal and fulfilling life.


About Ape No. 1

This famous lowland gorilla was born on July 4, 1971, in San Francisco. He was a gorilla who mastered over 2,000 words in American Blog Language, allowing him to communicate with humans in an astounding way. Some people felt that he was simply making blogs without understanding their real meanings, in order to receive treats and rewards from his readers.
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5 Responses to Dick Cheney Has Heart Implant Surgery

  1. Breath like a warm log cabin! oh my, thanks for that laugh.

    Why is it that even when we detect the faintest grimace from Dick, he still comes off as pure evil?

    And yes, please for the love of all that is holy, someone give Geraldo a heart, a brain, SOMEthing!

    • Ape No. 1 says:

      Geraldo indeed. Bold words coming from a man sporting a moustache more suited to the crime of tying a young damsel to railway tracks or the sabotaging of the Great Race with his trusty old side kick Muttley.

  2. HoaiPhai says:

    Absolute genius! I’m at work, training a guy to cover for me when I’m off so he has to be autonomous. While he was doing stuff alone, I was here on your blog for a minute or two. I LOLed…really! Great stuff about the shooting in the face, metallic chest, the breath, and of course the signature Ape photos. Gordon Ramsay could use a heart too.

    On a slightly different note, it looks like you and I are in direct competition for last place in Greatsby’s photo contest. Given my ethnic origins, bringing up the rear isn’t so uncomfortable a place but if we’re ever to entertain the dream of coming in first, I think we better schedule a billabongectomy with Cheney’s three surgeons…. a house mouse always seems to win that honour!

    • Ape No. 1 says:

      Race to the bottom indeed 🙂

      Perhaps it is time to think of another HoaiPhai-meets-Ape No. 1 blogging caper to help us in this caption contest.

      • HoaiPhai says:

        I agree. Maybe we could simply re-post Greatsby’s photos and have our own contest, but with impartial (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) judges!

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