Obama Reinstates NASA Shuttle Breeding Program


Barack Obama has brought back hope to the scientific community by announcing a funding plan that will see the NASA shuttle breeding program reinstated signaling a revival of US space exploration. After spending the last few years alone in a hangar, the aging Discovery shuttle will be put to stud with some healthy 747’s in a last ditch hope that one or two may catch the fussy Discovery’s eye and result in some strong and healthy offspring. Unfortunately previous attempts to produce an offspring with the Discovery’s son, the Endeavour, have proven fruitless and NASA fertility experts have had an uphill battle to convince the Obama administration that the elderly Discovery is still capable of siring another shuttle.

The Discovery wasted no time in demonstrating the smooth moves that produced the Endeavour shuttle back in 1991.

The young shuttles are hand reared by keepers as the 747’s show little if any maternal instincts once their shuttle has been delivered. As always it is emotional when these young shuttles have to be released for the first time and allowed to explore on their own but all involved agree it is well worth it. Without letting go, the opportunity for these shuttles to travel into space and return to earth with the news that pretty much everything within our reach outside of earth is inhospitable and incapable of supporting life would be lost and we would be left wondering these questions.

Disovery’s adoptive mum beaming with pride as the young shuttle reaches maturity and finally grows it’s side booster rockets.

Obama stated that whilst he was aware that there was a chance that the program would fail to deliver, he was acutely aware of how the equivalent Russian space agency allowed their Shuttles to go into extinction with the last remaining breeding shuttle, the Buran, being finally laid to rest in 1993. He considered the NASA breeding program worth the investment to make one final attempt at keeping these magnificent space flight capable creatures in existence.

Nixon, accompanied by a Las Vegas Kirk Douglas impersonator, holding a young two week old shuttle produced during the initial phases of the shuttle breeding program during 1971. This particular shuttle, name unknown, went on to father the Columbia in 1979 now famous for being the first shuttle to go into space in it’s historic 1981 maiden voyage.



About Ape No. 1

This famous lowland gorilla was born on July 4, 1971, in San Francisco. He was a gorilla who mastered over 2,000 words in American Blog Language, allowing him to communicate with humans in an astounding way. Some people felt that he was simply making blogs without understanding their real meanings, in order to receive treats and rewards from his readers.
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11 Responses to Obama Reinstates NASA Shuttle Breeding Program

  1. joehoover says:

    Clever post, brilliant!

  2. clownonfire says:

    This post was awesome!
    Le Clown

  3. Brilliant stuff – there’s a mucky movie in here somewhere…….

    • Ape No. 1 says:

      Haha. I can just imagine the dodgy film titles already. Debbie Does Houston, Deep Space, though unfortunately it appears Spaceballs has already been taken.

  4. HoaiPhai says:

    Perhaps if they wouldn’t point so many cameras at them when they are revving up to “knock boots” they’d have more success than they’ve had with their Panda breeding programmes. Those saddle-shoe bears seem to have a little trouble getting off the launch pad when there are cameras pointed at them so maybe that’s part of the problem with the shuttles, too.

    The logic of mating shuttles with 747s escapes me… the resulting offspring might inherit their father’s standard passenger capacity of seven and their mother’s ability to nourish it’s passengers with tiny bags of peanuts and entertainment so bad that fully 57% of the in-flight movies’ viewership is due to the fact that the only alternative to watching is to wing-walk and “take one giant leap for mankind”.

    Perhaps they should consider moving the breeding centre to Australia to take advantage of that country’s marsupialization vortex, potentially increasing payload capacities with the resulting extra ventral cargo bay.

    • Ape No. 1 says:

      I agree that the cameras could be daunting for them. Also having someone count down from twenty over a loudspeaker system just prior to ” launch” makes for poor foreplay and really puts the amorous couple under unnecessary pressure.

  5. HoaiPhai says:

    Oh, the countdown… I forgot about that, the ultimate in performing on cue. Can you imagine imposing a countdown on one’s wedding night? “10! 9! 8!…” (He-he, this post and comments were especially greater than usual).

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