Murdoch’s Lost iPhone Woes Halt Hacking Inquiry

The inquiry into the News Corporation hacking allegations has taken a dramatic and upsetting turn as early into the proceedings a distraught and teary eyed Rupert Murdoch was given a compassionate break to allow him to look for his misplaced iPhone. It was apparent from the beginning that something was wrong as a flustered Murdoch was seen fumbling around in his trouser pockets, shaking his suit jacket, and repeatedly looking back to his team of lawyers and mouthing the words, “Have you seen my phone?”. The judge stopped the hearing when it was clear that Murdoch was not giving the inquiry his full attention after the News Corp boss tipped the complete contents of his briefcase onto the table and began sifting through the contents becoming more and more visibly agitated and upset.

A very despondent Rupert Murdoch confirms the saddening news to a sympathetic press group that he has indeed lost his beloved iPhone.

The judge, himself a loving owner of an iPhone, asked Mr Murdoch if there was a problem preventing him from actively participating in the inquiry. At this point an emotional Murdoch revealed to the judge, and a shocked audience, that he had misplaced his iPhone. A man could be heard quietly sobbing in the back of the room. The judge immediately called a halt to the proceedings stating that the loss of something as personal as an iPhone was a serious matter and that he would allow Murdoch a reasonable amount of time to take the necessary measures to locate his missing mobile phone. The judge then walked over to Murdoch, gave him a firm hug, planted a faux punch on his jaw saying, “Be strong”, and announced to the wider audience that proceedings would resume after a two week break.

“His iPhone you say?”
“Yes and to make matters worse apparently he had not enabled iCloud backup yet. Not even for his contacts!”
“The humanity of it all!”

London Police Commisioner, Bernard Hogan-Howe, has reassured a concerned public that the appropriate priority has been placed on this serious matter but also pleaded for the public’s cooperation during the complex and challenging police operation. He released the following statement.

The London police understand the gravity of the current situation and we are diverting all possible resources to the task of locating of Mr Murdoch’s iPhone. We have been made aware that many of the public share our concerns and have taken it upon themselves to conduct their own search efforts. Whilst we acknowledge that your intentions are good we must insist that you allow the professionals within the Police department to do their job to ensure a successful outcome. Our thoughts during this time are with Mr Murdoch and his family.

Officers are retracing Murdoch’s steps commencing from the time he pressed snooze on his iPhone early in the morning to silence the sounds of the Baha Men, up to the time he sat down at the inquiry and first noticed his iPhone missing.



About Ape No. 1

This famous lowland gorilla was born on July 4, 1971, in San Francisco. He was a gorilla who mastered over 2,000 words in American Blog Language, allowing him to communicate with humans in an astounding way. Some people felt that he was simply making blogs without understanding their real meanings, in order to receive treats and rewards from his readers.
This entry was posted in Satire and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Murdoch’s Lost iPhone Woes Halt Hacking Inquiry

  1. List of X says:

    Some British tabloid must be hacking into that phone right now…

  2. Brilliant stuff – To paraphrase the PM “We’re all in this together.”

    • Ape No. 1 says:

      Allegedly Cameron’s speech writers thought a Ben Lee lyric would be a better choice of words than the original proposal “We are all complicit”. I imagine Murdoch’s people will also go with Ben Lee lyrics.

  3. HoaiPhai says:

    I can just imagine the proceedings ending at the sound of the judge banging his iGavel.

    • Ape No. 1 says:

      If you are insinuating that this iGavel Murdoch gave to the judge is more than just a simple gift then you have got it all wrong. What, you didn’t say that? Well forget I ever said that last statement.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s