Facebook Inc – It’s A Floater!


The Facebook Inc CEO and newly made billionaire, Mark Zuckerberg, has finally resurfaced after the recent catastrophic float of his Internet giant Facebook. Zuckerberg unloaded a few million shares almost immediately after trading began making upwards of $1 Billion US dollars from this opportunistic and dubious transaction. His whereabouts had been unknown until a Facebook status update, generated automatically by his mobile device, disclosed his location to the public. It was apparent that Zuckerberg had not configured his Facebook privacy settings correctly and had not intended for this information to be broadcast to the wider community. The following text appeared briefly on Zuckerberg’s Facebook page before it was removed shortly afterwards but not before it was copied and forwarded to millions of other users via Facebook’s powerful and ultra-fast information sharing technology.

Mark Zuckerberg just arrived with Priscilla at International Space Station.
12 Minutes Ago – Like Comment

Mark and Priscilla have decided to spend their honeymoon in a gravity free, oxygen free, and securities and tax law free environment courtesy of their Dragon Ball-Zuckerberg capsule at the International Space Station.

Disgruntled investors have now revisited amateur mobile phone footage taken of Zuckerberg’s speech just prior to Facebook going live on the NASDAQ and have discovered a hidden message in Mark’s words that eluded to his plans to flee to the International Space Station. The following is a transcript of what Zuckerberg shared with the attendees during that speech.

“You are all idiots who are desperate to buy shares in what might as well be magical unicorn air. You are not listening to me right now as you are all currently too preoccupied updating your Facebook status on your mobiles to inform your loser friends that you are attending the NASDAQ float and drinking Starbucks when absurdly you could be doing this from the basement of your mom’s house and having the same experience. Is anyone listening? Hello? All I see is the tops of heads and the glow of tiny screens. Does anybody care that I am going cash in big today and then escape to the International Space Station with my wife frozen in Carbonite?! Hello? Let me leave you then with this thought.

Everything is different, but the same… things are more moderner than before… bigger, and yet smaller… it’s computers… San Dimas High School football rules. Zuckerberg out!”

Zuckerberg: What?! You think I misled the public. I quite clearly stated I was excited about a launch. I just wasn’t specific about which one.
Attorney: Hey!
Zuckerberg: I suppose you are right. What should I tell the public now?
Attorney: Hey!
Zuckerberg: Perfect. You always know the right thing to say.
Attorney: Hey!

Close friends failed to see some of the subtle hints that Mark and Priscilla had been inadvertently dropping such as their strange wedding registry that included such items as high pressure oxygen tanks, monogrammed $2000 pens that write upside down, and his and her space suits. Most just assumed that either this was standard fare for a young eccentric geek billionaire or perhaps that they had a moon landing fetish and these items were destined for the bedroom to be only ever seen again when a young hacker from the Netherlands inevitably hacks into Priscilla’s Facebook account and posts private images online for all to see.

The happy couple Mark and Priscilla on the day of their wedding and imminent interstellar elopement.
“Oh great, Mark. Another 18ct solid gold Like thumb. Put it over there with the other ones. Does anyone ever follow the wedding registry?”

The financial community is now eying with suspicion similar privately bankrolled space endeavors and are questioning whether other obscenely rich individuals will take to orbit such as Mark Zuckerberg. Richard Branson, Larry Page, James Cameron, and Newt Gingrinch have all asserted that their interests in space are nothing more than simple men with simple hobbies and definitely not a secret space program to abandon this earth at some point leaving the poor to fend for themselves in a post apocalyptic hellish nightmare. Just simple men with simple hobbies.

I wanted to use the name Mark Puckerberg for this image but instead I will leave it for others to suggest humorous plays on his name by replacing the ‘Z’ with another consonant. Feel free to fill in the missing letter using a standard 2B pencil in the space provided below.

Mark _uckerberg


About Ape No. 1

This famous lowland gorilla was born on July 4, 1971, in San Francisco. He was a gorilla who mastered over 2,000 words in American Blog Language, allowing him to communicate with humans in an astounding way. Some people felt that he was simply making blogs without understanding their real meanings, in order to receive treats and rewards from his readers.
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6 Responses to Facebook Inc – It’s A Floater!

  1. I am so jealous. Where can I get me one of dem dere solid gold thumbs?? woowee, he is living the life.

    This post was brilliant, Ape. I was very close to spewing my coffee over the Ralph Malph pic, but then you topped it with the dude from Harry Potter (sorry, never seen it).

    God, I would love to be a fly on the wall at the breakfast table when Zuck realized he orchestrated the worst IPO in the history of the world.

    • Ape No. 1 says:

      I too would be jealous of those thumbs if they also had a delicious milk chocolate centre. Mmmm, chocolate thumbs (Homer drooling face)

      I did give myself a challenge of having an image involving Mark in each section without having an actual image of Mark himself. A subtle statement that he is ironically one of the most private people on Facebook and few images of him in social contexts actually exist. Anyway back to the chocolate thumbs. Mmmmmm ….

  2. List of X says:

    I thought I saw him check in at the International Space Station with FourSquare.

    • Ape No. 1 says:

      Not too many can boast the NASA explorer FourSquare badge. I am a little disappointed that FourSquare’s company motto doesn’t begin with “FourSquare and seven years ago…”

  3. HoaiPhai says:

    I try to keep my nose out of the financial pages but wouldn’t it have been better to have titled this post “Facebook Inc – It’s A Sinker”? Same imagery, less buoyancy. That being said, I’m so jealous of *uckerberg… I’ve always dreamed of having a zero-gravity honeymoon in a very small room equipped with all the right tethers.

    Brilliant as always, Ape!

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