Pope Ain’t No Gold Digga’


Pope Benedict has received thunderous applause from a gathering of 350,000 devout followers after making a revolutionary suggestion that families from wealthy nations could sponsor families from poor nations. The idea was considered revolutionary, with many world leaders of affluent nations already pledging their support for the philanthropic initiative inspired by his holiness. A spokesman for a major family owned international electronics giant had the following encouraging words to say about the Pope’s suggestion.

“The difference this sponsorship could make to a poor village is tremendous. We have already sponsored a group of one thousand in a remote Ugandan village and set them up with a state of the art community centre. This allows the villagers, and in particular the youngsters, to participate in rewarding craft activities such as the assembling of high definition camcorders, and the answering of level 3 technical support calls for high definition camcorders. I know our contribution of one thousand dollars a week to this village is really making a difference and … Sorry, I always get emotional when I speak about this.”

Pope Benedict’s message to the poor was an inspirational moment and one deserved of being delivered from his special solid gold 18ct chair reserved for just such emotional charitable announcements.

It is hoped that within the next few years many other wealthy families will follow suit and start sponsoring similar poor families like the one in Uganda by building community centers focused on craft activities such as electronic assembly, sports shoe manufacture, and call centre phone support. An absurdly small investment can be a highly rewarding venture for all those involved.

Beardy: Haha! That Pope sure knows how to make a charitable statement hey Monk boy! Haha!
llama: Haha! That’s nothing. Have you seen my special charitable statement 18ct Nike bad boys? Haha!
Third Wheel: Haha! No one has mentioned my white pants. Haha!
Beardy: Haha! Did you hear something? Haha!
llama: Haha! Nope. Haha!


About Ape No. 1

This famous lowland gorilla was born on July 4, 1971, in San Francisco. He was a gorilla who mastered over 2,000 words in American Blog Language, allowing him to communicate with humans in an astounding way. Some people felt that he was simply making blogs without understanding their real meanings, in order to receive treats and rewards from his readers.
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9 Responses to Pope Ain’t No Gold Digga’

  1. the Pope–making the world better one support call center at a time. I am all verklempt now.

  2. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    It takes a Pope to raise a village. Do you have the phone number for the call center in Africa that’s handling questions about mimeograph machines?

    • Ape No. 1 says:

      I believe the Pope has his own personal mimeograph for publishing posts on his travel blog. It mostly focuses on jet ski adventures and favourite new cocktail recipes.

  3. List of X says:

    Who is the little Chinese girl in the red dress the first picture? Did she come to pray for a community center in Shenzhen, or did the Pope finally outsourced some of cardinal positions to China?

    • HoaiPhai says:

      Actually, the little girl is wearing a “khan dong” on her head, suggesting that she’s from the south part of Vietnam. Coincidentally, Nike has sponsored many humanitarian footwear-oriented community centres in that area.

      Now I don’t have the funds to adopt a village or even a family but I’ve tried to help the effort in a small way by going onto the Pope’s website PapalSwag.com and buying a Pope soap on a rope (frankincense, myrrh and new shoe scent).

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