Panic After Murdoch Gets Wet And Is Fed After Midnight

News Corporation chief, Rupert Murdoch, made a dramatic announcement last night by unveiling plans to split the existing media giant into two smaller businesses each with their own specific focus. Rumors had been circulating in the business community for a number of months that a change in strategy was imminent for News Corp but few had seen something as dramatic as a split coming. Rupert Murdoch had the following to say in his public announcement.

“It has become obvious to the News Corporation management team that operating a media business that not only reports on scandals and controversies but is itself embroiled in these very dubious activities has highlighted a serious conflict of interest and calls into question the impartiality of our journalism. As a result we have decided to split the organization into two new and entirely separate entities. The first entity will continue to produce publications that report on the scandals and controversies that are in the public's interest, while the second entity will focus on the remaining aspect of our business which is to create the scandals and controversies that the other entity will be reporting on.”

Murdoch has not disclosed which of the two entities he will head if any at all sparking rumors that he may be returned to Mount Doom and thrown back into the fiery pit from where he originally emerged.

The move was welcomed by government officials, investors, and most importantly by News Corp employees who had been forced to work for years with the ambiguity of whether or not they had been hired to report on criminal activity or to engage in it. The split was viewed by many News Corp employees as an opportunity to further their own professional development by allowing them a more diverse choice in career possibilities.

Sarah Drakeson, a News Corp employee for the past four years, expressed her excitement at the new career prospects with the new company split announcement.

“As many who have joined media organizations, I have always wanted to travel the world, experience new adventures, and meet new people. It is fantastic that I can do this as either an international news correspondent or as a mole leaking innocent people's inner most secrets to the highest bidder. The real dilemma now is deciding which of these two inspiring entities I will join.”

Ms Drakeson contemplating her options in the now split News Corp organization.

The stock market responded favorably with stocks in News Corp jumping 10 points overnight.


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7 Responses to Panic After Murdoch Gets Wet And Is Fed After Midnight

  1. List of X says:

    As a part of the split, he will now officially separate Fox and news.

  2. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    The move will require all of his employees to separate their souls from their bodies. A small price to pay for journalizm.

    • Ape No. 1 says:

      The only regret for the employees will be the loss of the ability to bring the funk any time a James Brown song plays on the radio. They will though develop a new found appreciation of Nickelback.

  3. HoaiPhai says:

    Now finally the Olsen twins can go their separate ways — the “good one” can find employment in one arm or the Murdoch empire and the “bad one” in the other. I heard that Murdoch will be heading both demi-empires and I hope tat the little angel and devil on his shoulders will have the decency to switch sides as he takes on duties for the respective corporate wings.

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