Ah, Babe, Let’s Get It Un, Whoo-ooh-ooh…



North Korean television audiences responded favorably last night to the much anticipated finale of their hit reality show “The Bachelor – Glorious Leader Edition“. Ratings for the show indicated that 100% of citizens nationwide were glued to their screens metaphorically and in some circumstances literally. The show had held the attention of North Korea captive for the last four months as twelve young women competed for the opportunity to be the lucky gal to accompany the ruggedly handsome Kim Young Un as he travels around his fine nation looking and nodding knowingly at stuff.

Kim Yong Un will be given the choice of twelve fine young and talented women to choose from as his future wife until an unfortunate, but most definitely accidental, incident do them part.

The simplicity of the format and originality of the show is thought to be behind it's success coupled with the fact that it is broadcast on all 374 North Korean television stations simultaneously. The show followed a consistent formula where each week bachelor Un would be placed in various romantic settings with the contestants, such as observing a grenade test or walking up and down a line of soldiers, and the contestant who would make him feel the least Glorious would be voted off. The voted off contestant would then be escorted off the show leaving the remaining contestants to celebrate with the bachelor at a Disney themed party. As each contestant was eliminated a new costumed Disney character, escorted by two military personnel at gun point, would turn up on stage a few moments later waving and mumbling excitedly at Kim Yong Un and the remaining contestants.

Winnie The Pooh: “Mmmph… Finally my mouth is free. Run contestant number 6! Don't point that gun at me. Ok, I'm dancing, I'm dancing!!”

The two love birds are expected to begin their romantic journey next week with an intimate couples retreat to a slaughter yard in the west followed by a dinner for two at a convention on rare minerals mining twenty miles out of the capital.

Kim: “I don't know where we keep on finding these talented Disney costumed dancers each week but they are great. Don't you agree Glorious girlfriend?”


About Ape No. 1

This famous lowland gorilla was born on July 4, 1971, in San Francisco. He was a gorilla who mastered over 2,000 words in American Blog Language, allowing him to communicate with humans in an astounding way. Some people felt that he was simply making blogs without understanding their real meanings, in order to receive treats and rewards from his readers.
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19 Responses to Ah, Babe, Let’s Get It Un, Whoo-ooh-ooh…

  1. Just when I thought he couldn’t get any sexier, you had to show that picture with the rose in his teeth. (the caption killed me, I’m still laughing!)

  2. Angie Z. says:

    This feels like some kind of circle in hell to me.

  3. List of X says:

    We could try to imagine what his pick up lines may be…
    “Hey baby, you are so beautiful, I think you have managed to avoid the hard labor….”
    “Do you come here often? Oh, never mind, I have people keeping you under surveillance, I can ask them”
    “I’m like a rocket in bed, a North Korean one, but still”

  4. HoaiPhai says:

    His leathery good looks is what makes Kim Yong Un the darling of the North Korean Broadcast System, which does have 374 television stations and transmits to every one of North Korea’s 250 TV sets.

    I must have misprogrammed my Tivo and missed the last episode… is it true that the big finale that determined the winner involved both finalists skipping gracefully through a minefield to an eagerly-awaiting Glorious Bachelor while a Korean cover version of Wayne Newton’s “Danke Schoen” played over military-style tin bullhorn speakers? If it did pan out as I heard, I pray that the runner-up rest in peace.

    • Ape No. 1 says:

      Haha! Leathery good looks just like an adult Red Angus. The contestants may not have skipped gracefully through the minefield but I am sure it was at least coquettish in manner.

  5. All joking aside Ape – he is so damn cute!

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