It’s All Fun And Games … Until Someone Makes A Buck

British border control have siezed a large illegal shipment of counterfeit Olympic merchandise consisting of various flag and bunting designs. In total there was approximately 800kg worth of illegal goods thought to have been worth in excess of £100,000 if sold as legitimate Olympic sanctioned merchandise. The British government is taking a hard stance against non-sanctioned uses of the Olympic brand and it is thought counterfeiting is costing around £1,300,000 a year in lost revenue. Officer Jowlings was the first to become suspicious during the processing of the illegal Olympic branded goods as they came through customs.

“It appeared originally to be a legitimate shipment of Olympic merchandise from China, but when a fellow officer and myself inspected an item more closely to check it's authenticity we started to get some clues as to the true origin of these goods. It turned out that the items were actually produced in the British town of Bolton and not the claimed town of Shenzhen as stated on the customs documentation. It became apparent that this was part of a more complex scheme where Olympic branded goods were being shipped to China only to be repackaged and sent back to the UK under the guise of being officially sanctioned merchandise from one of the many hundred official factories in China.”

Suspicions were raised when a poorly attached “Made In China” sticker fell off one the items revealing a “Made In Bolton” sticker underneath.

Authorities have been able to trace the fake Olympic goods back to an underground factory in East Bolton operating under the facade of a Jaeger fashion label. In a dawn raid, police arrested fifteen workers and seized a number of other illegal items which had been destined to be shipped to China and imported back again into the unsuspecting UK market. The other items included novelty Union Jack themed Mankinis, novelty Union Jack themed Usain Bolt chicken nuggets, novelty Union Jack themed Union Jacks, and novelty Union Jack themed Pippa Middleton clip-on fake buttocks.

The workers just prior to being removed from the premises and taken into custody. Many officers observed that all of the workers appeared to have an unusually well shaped bottom as they were being led out of the factory.

The UK Border Control team will dispose of the goods in an official event as per normal guidelines which does involve a spectacular fireworks show at it's conclusion which is sure to delight children and adults alike.


About Ape No. 1

This famous lowland gorilla was born on July 4, 1971, in San Francisco. He was a gorilla who mastered over 2,000 words in American Blog Language, allowing him to communicate with humans in an astounding way. Some people felt that he was simply making blogs without understanding their real meanings, in order to receive treats and rewards from his readers.
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14 Responses to It’s All Fun And Games … Until Someone Makes A Buck

  1. Those Bolt nuggets sound tasty.

  2. They should have hidden the flags inside a consignment of cocaine. They would have got through no bother then.

    • Ape No. 1 says:

      Good point. Leverage the reputation of the well trusted Colombian flag import industry. Not sure how many flags you can pack into a condom though…

  3. joehoover says:

    I saw a program where they seized a container full of booze which wasn’t declared. I wept as it was all poured down the drain

    • Ape No. 1 says:

      Nooooooooooooooooo!!! I just ran to the back fridge and gave a six pack of Blue Tongue a little hug.

      • joehoover says:


        I never saw that one when I was in Oz. Then again every beer was in a beer cozy so I never saw the label. You call them stubbie coolers I think, I like my anglophiled renaming to a beer cozy

      • Ape No. 1 says:

        Haha. I am going to adopt the term beer cozy and see if I can get it to catch on over here. I picture a lace doily type of thing that your Nan would knit for you.

      • joehoover says:

        It’s endearing isn’t it. Let me know how you get on. If there’s a wikipedia entry fo the stubbie it would be nice to have that updated to commemorarte when it came about.

      • HoaiPhai says:

        Er, would either of you guys know where I can pick up a semiofficial made-in-Bolton Olympic beer cozy, cheap?

        [Here in Canada, we use the term “beer cozy”, too. I’ve also seen them called “]

      • HoaiPhai says:

        … I’ve also seen them called “koozies”, which I’ve heard used in another sense. Don’t ask me to explain if you want to maintain your General Audience rating.

      • Ape No. 1 says:

        Haha! A read it as a Beercuzzy. Last time alcohol and a hot spa were combined it resulted in unexpected time travel and then ensuing hilarity.

  4. slapppshot says:

    I love investigative journalism…thank you for bringing this problem up to light. I have always suspected ‘Bolton’ for a number of things. Now I have my proof…

    • Ape No. 1 says:

      I can’t tell you how many phones I needed to tap in order to bring you this exclusive scoop. In fact my lawyers tell me that I should not be telling anyone at all.

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