Ape is going August crazy and giving you folks two posts for the price of one. Bargain you may say … or perhaps another way of looking at it is that Ape can not be bothered to produce two distinct posts and instead will lazily jam two posts into the one.
——————— LAZY POST ONE ——————-
Girls Just Wanna Hole In One
The Augusta National golf club has reached a new milestone in it's history by allowing it's first ever female club member, Condoleeza Rice, to join marking an end to the men's only policy. Tiger Woods had praised the move and hopes that it is the beginning of a new era for the exclusive golf club. Billy Payne, the club chairman, had the following to say,
“The Augusta National club has come to have a reputation of being a men's only club based on discrimination and elitism. Today marks an important turning point for our club as we have arrived at the realization that these discriminatory and elitist views are also shared by many within the female population. No one can argue that our newest member, Condoleeza Rice, embodies so much of what this club holds dear and we welcome her with open arms into our club.”
Mitt Romney tweeted his support of Rice upon hearing the news and congratulated her on becoming the next president of the United States of America.
—————— LAZY POST TWO —————–
He Grew Up To Be, He Grew Up To Be,
A Douche Bag Called Ryan
Todd Akin and Paul Ryan have thrown a spanner into the Romney campaign by firstly existing and secondly by having views considered reprehensible by almost every facet of society. Mitt Romney was quick to switch into recovery mode and assured the American public that the electoral process can distinguish between a legitimate Romney-Ryan vote and a forcible Romney-Ryan vote. Romney had the following to say to a press conference yesterday.
“If it is a legitimate Romney-Ryan vote, the electoral process has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. The chances of a Romney-Ryan presidency is extremely low in those circumstances. The same thing happened in Florida back in the 2000 elections when the voting machines refused to accept votes for a Bush-Cheney presidency. Relax folks. I am sure that we will not get into power.”
It's ok folks. We are only here to make life easy for political satirists world wide.