Dotty Harry – When Harry Met Surly

What should have been a magical experience for a young local Michigan boy celebrating his 65th birthday, has turned into a sad reminder of the dangers of substance abuse in our modern society. Little Mitt had been looking forward to his party all year and after years of constantly asking his parents to hold a Toy Story themed party for him his parents had finally relented and acquired the services of a local party hire company that specialized in themed birthday parties. The highlight of the show was Woody who, according to the brochure, would perform magic acts and make balloon animals for all of the kids at the party.

Mitt's mum was not prepared for the sad display that her young son and his friends would be witness to and watched helplessly as the painful scene unfolded in front of the young party guests.

Not only had Woody not turned up in costume, but he had clearly been heavily drinking just prior to the function. Instead of the expected magic acts and balloon animals the clearly inebriated children's performer muttered incoherently at the birthday boy's empty chair, pulled a dead dove out of his crotch, and then threw up on the family labrador. At this point the grown ups at the party quickly ushered the kids away and two of the children's fathers picked up the drunken party host and dragged him to a more discreet part of the house.

Mitt was inconsolable and just kept on repeatedly asking through sobs, “Mummy, what's wrong with Woody? Will he be OK?”

Mitt's mother was philosophical about the whole affair.

“Little Mitt has always had trouble making friends and we thought this Toy Story themed party would help the little guy meet some new friends. Sure he has that young Ryan boy as a friend but to be honest I think there is something wrong with him. You know (guestures to head) in the upstairs department. I suppose this was a lesson to Mitt that not everybody is as lucky as he is and it was only a matter of time that he would be exposed to issues affecting common folk. As parents we just need to ensure that we guide him through this life lesson and hope that with his accumulating knowledge, and the $280 million dollars he has tucked away in his trust fund, that he can find his way in modern society.”

Little Mitt and his family spent the remainder of the afternoon at a local ice creamery that specializes in twenty five different types of vanilla.


About Ape No. 1

This famous lowland gorilla was born on July 4, 1971, in San Francisco. He was a gorilla who mastered over 2,000 words in American Blog Language, allowing him to communicate with humans in an astounding way. Some people felt that he was simply making blogs without understanding their real meanings, in order to receive treats and rewards from his readers.
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5 Responses to Dotty Harry – When Harry Met Surly

  1. The Outlaw Josey Wales is one of my favourite films – how could Clint have done that to me?

  2. HoaiPhai says:

    Now that’s a shame. Too bad for The Mittster that Woody didn’t make his day.

    • Ape No. 1 says:

      Apparently his mum smoothed things over by pointing out that his Woody doll was made in China resulting in Mitt losing all interest in his animated cartoon cowboy hero.

      • HoaiPhai says:

        Yes, usually boys lose interest in cartoons soon after they get their first Woody. I know that in the year following my first one, I played with mine every chance I got. The compulsion got so bad that I got many detentions for playing with mine under the desk at school and I also got kicked out of church.

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