Ape Travels To The Land Of The Rising Bullshit



The world scientific community has been caught by surprise after Japanese scientists working on the multi-decade research of whales finally released some of their highly anticipated findings. Pressured by the recent court battle on scientific whaling the group shared startling results with fellow scientists that proved the value in the controversial research activities. The following is a portion of what was presented in a globally televised press conference.

“Firstly we would like to acknowledge the efforts and contributions from every employee of the Suzuka Under Sea Habitat Institute who made these amazing revelations possible. After numerous years of dedicated and focused research we have made the startling discovery that the world whale population is drastically reducing in numbers. By about 15000 in the last 30 years to be more precise. We will continue our studies to gain a better understanding of whether or not these majestic creatures will continue to reduce in number and perhaps one day even become extinct.”

Lead researcher from the Suzuka Under Sea Habitat Institute presents the exciting results that represent a culmination of years of study.

The Japanese team have now been invited to assist with the study of other species of animals to confirm whether or not their numbers are also dwindling. Species such as the Bonobo, Leatherback Turtle, and the Galapagos Penguin will be targeted by the crack team of researchers with many hoping that the results will be as spectacular as the whale study findings.

A Japanese scientist steadies himself as he prepares to research the rare Galapagos Penguin square in it's feathery little face.

————————- BONUS CRAP ———————-

Ape has been blogging quiet sporadically so here is a little bit more reading if you have managed to make it this far. While we are on the topic of Japan let's talk creepy robots. Ever had one of those days where you found yourself stuck in an international space station with nothing to do except take endless photos of yourself framed to give the illusion that you were pooping out the earth … again? Yeah, tell me about it. Well a clever team has created a hairless Teddy Ruxpin called a Kirobo humanoid to act as a conversationalist in space. Yeah, you heard me. IN SPACE!!


“Hello father. Did you know that a small incision just below your ear would allow 70% of the blood from your body to drain in approximately 7 minutes. Isn't it curious how fragile but simple to understand the human anatomy is.”

Now I don't about you but if this creepy little toaster, as the above article states, just casually made the remark.

“I want to create a future where humans and robots can live together and get along”

I would be throttling it's little AA powered Tamagotchi neck and demanding to know what it was planning behind those soulless little glowing robot eyes. I am so removing staying in an international space station off my bucket list.

“Sleep well my frail human friend. Sleep well.”


About Ape No. 1

This famous lowland gorilla was born on July 4, 1971, in San Francisco. He was a gorilla who mastered over 2,000 words in American Blog Language, allowing him to communicate with humans in an astounding way. Some people felt that he was simply making blogs without understanding their real meanings, in order to receive treats and rewards from his readers.
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6 Responses to Ape Travels To The Land Of The Rising Bullshit

  1. HoaiPhai says:

    The robots are stealing our women! Well, at the very least, they are stealing Japan’s women!

    I think that Japanese scientists should wake up and start studying those electro-mechanical guys before there are no Japanese women left for the rest of us!

    • Ape No. 1 says:

      Unless, as I have always suspected, those full size walking robots are simply an elaborate costume with a Japanese scientist inside hoping to get to second base with women who think robots are cute. I can see a cute romantic comedy coming to our cinema screens soon. They should call it “Man of Iron”. Hmm, has a familiar ring to it..

  2. HoaiPhai says:

    You know, it just might be worth all the trouble to dress up like a Japanese scientist dressing up like a robot to get to second base with Utada Hikaru [the singer in the video above], even if she is just a fembot herself. I think you should get right to work pitching your “Man of Iron” flick, a movie I’d be willing to take out a second mortgage to raise the money for theatre tickets, popcorn, and a giant chocolate bar.

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