Oops There Goes Another Rubber Suit Man…


Designers of an advanced wetsuit that is invisible to sharks will need to go back to the drawing board after it's first live field test with human subjects went horribly wrong. The suit, which incorporates concepts derived from years of shark behavioural research, allows surfers to be in close proximity to sharks but not be seen as viable prey to the ocean predator. It was thought the ideal location to test the suit was in South Africa where a number of shark attacks have occurred in recent years but unfortunately moments before the surfer entered the waters off Long Beach he was pounced upon by a large male african lion after being confused for an adult zebra.

The moment when a large African lion made it's move on what it believed to be a large adult zebra.

The creators of the wetsuit are not new to such design failures with a recent similar incident involving the design of a “cool” wetsuit to allow the more socially awkward of the surfing community to surf the waves with the more bodacious kids. The researchers located the coolest young scientist in their team and based off this individual's view of what would be “decidedly wicked and awesome” settled on a Star Trek theme with a particular focus on the Next Generation series as it had that “awesome robot dude who had the same skin colour as the Simpsons”. Unfortunately the test subject had barely begun making their way towards the water before being pounced on by local bullies and humiliated before shocked scientific onlookers who then lied saying that they were not friends of the victim when the bullies turned their attention to them.

Tests with an earlier “cool” design did not make it even close to the water before the test subject was wedgied and then pushed face first into the sand. Many thought a lion attack would have been more humane for the test subject.


About Ape No. 1

This famous lowland gorilla was born on July 4, 1971, in San Francisco. He was a gorilla who mastered over 2,000 words in American Blog Language, allowing him to communicate with humans in an astounding way. Some people felt that he was simply making blogs without understanding their real meanings, in order to receive treats and rewards from his readers.
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17 Responses to Oops There Goes Another Rubber Suit Man…

  1. joehoover says:

    Haha! Can’t believe they missed that flaw in design, happy eats for the lions!

  2. Mama always warned us to put on our lion screen before heading to the beach.

    Until now, I thought Mama might have a drinking problem.

    • Ape No. 1 says:

      Haha! I wonder if the lion screen was made by the same company that made Batman’s spray-on shark repellant all those years ago?

      • LOL! I just watched that movie last night with my daughters! It’s far, FAR more ridiculous that your memory can possibly allow. Batman, trying to get rid of a bomb with the world’s longest fuse, runs into a mother pushing a baby carriage, a group of nuns, a Salvation Army band, two people necking in a row boat and, finally, baby ducks. It’s absurd!

  3. How in the world were you able to take these photos?! Talk about right place/right time! Fantastic. Well done. Especially for a simian.

    • Ape No. 1 says:

      All of these field tests were being live Tweeted and Instagram’d on #hopeheisnoteaten and #neoprenetasteslikeseal. Ape and his staff of thousands scan millions of hash tags every minute of the day to bring his readers these breaking stories.

  4. HoaiPhai says:

    If the sharks won’t get him, colourblind clown fish in heat will. Too bad this trial was not conducted in Australia because Skippy is known to roam the beaches protecting both pudgy wimps and test subjects from the actions of local bullies.

    Which Batman movie was the one with the shark repellent? Just curious.

    • Ape No. 1 says:

      It was the original 1966 movie just titled Batman. Definitely worth a watch for a few laughs. Loved the fact the Exile On Pain Street watched it with his daughters. I will follow suit with my two simian midgets.

      • HoaiPhai says:

        With Adam West? Ha-ha, I’ve never seen it but it’s got to be so cheesy that it’ll be worth the trouble to find. Do you think it would be bad form to watch it while wearing a Bane mask to muffle the laughter?

  5. I must say the lion looks pleased with himself.

  6. List of X says:

    Actually, there is a wetsuit that makes you totally invisible to sharks, so they don’t attack you. And it even helps against lions! It’s called “nuclear submarine”, but you have to share it with about 200 other people, so most people don’t find it comfortable.

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