There’s Mud In Them Thar Martian Hills!

NASA scientists today have unlocked a key secret from the barren and mostly dry red planet. The Mars rover has detected significants amount of water bound to the Martian soil allowing the researchers to be able to now paint an even clearer picture of what life on the distant planet was like those many millennia ago. As well as water the rover also detected substantial quantities of chlorine and the chemical perchlorate which is commonly used in the production of pyrotechnics and on a larger scale rocket fuel. Artists specialising in creating past landscapes from fragments of information have come together with NASA to produce a set of stunning visuals depicting the Martian surface in its prime.

“See guys, I told you Mars was gonna be wicked awesome. U-S-A, U-S-A!”

“Nope, I still don't see it. Wonder if it is one those tricky magic eye doo hickeys that I can never get.”

The data provided has led to the inevitable conclusion that the Martian surface was likely a giant jet ski water park created to satisfy the hunger for wicked air and bodacious flips of the firework loving alien species that would have occupied it during this time. Many are suggesting that the planets constant pounding by the thrill seeking jet skiing population eventually took it's toll forcing the population to abandon Mars and seek adventure elsewhere in the galaxy taking themselves and most of the planet's precious water with them.

An artists depiction of the long departed Martian population partaking in the activity that would ultimately lead to the demise of the planet.

Leading NASA environmental scientist, Dr James Hansen, has expressed his dismay at not having the opportunity to share humanities vast wealth of knowledge on the topic of environmental sustainability. He wrote on the NASA blog.

“It is sad to think that a population in possession of such a natural wonder would destroy it with such frivolous activities and then simply set their sights on another planet to repeat the same cycle again. If only they knew then what we know now about the future of their planet.”

In related news the mars rover has relayed a message back to NASA saying it is bored of looking for shit and unless told otherwise is going back to drawing depictions of human's junk on the Martian surface.



About Ape No. 1

This famous lowland gorilla was born on July 4, 1971, in San Francisco. He was a gorilla who mastered over 2,000 words in American Blog Language, allowing him to communicate with humans in an astounding way. Some people felt that he was simply making blogs without understanding their real meanings, in order to receive treats and rewards from his readers.
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5 Responses to There’s Mud In Them Thar Martian Hills!

  1. HoaiPhai says:

    Did the martian probe go-cart leave a human “meat and two veg”-shaped tracks in its wake? Cool! That’s what I would have done if I worked for NASA. By the way, the water test was redone using a more sophisticated protocol which revealed that the water in the soil was in the form of Red Bull, explaining that planet’s colour, apparently spilled on the beaches in vast quantities by the former alien water-park thrill seekers.

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