Camera Adds Ten Glorious Pounds … And Bad Haircut

http://www.news.com.au/technology/its-fake-or-break-for-north-koreas-propaganda-machine

North Korean authorities have had to make an awkward apology to the US government after discovering a rogue weather reporter on a local cable network had been recording and sending footage of himself purporting to be the glorious leader of the large Asian nation and threatening global war. The head of the local cable network disclosed that the crackpot meteorologist had been sneaking into the studios late at night with a small group of accomplices and using the green screen facilities to depict images of himself riding in tanks, pointing at stuff, and leading vast military parades.

The now dismissed employee of the North Korean cable channel had been creating elaborate scenes of himself as the glorious leader and had even scripted himself to get married to a well known female pop star.

President Barack Obama, who had fallen for the ruse, was relieved to discover that the war mongering talk that he had thought was genuine was actually just the ramblings of a lowly weather reporter living out his dreams of world domination via the magic of the green screen. Obama had his staff send the individual a White House cap and a blue ray copy of Avatar which …

APE … APE … WAKE UP APE … WAKE UP!!

Ape was having a horrible nightmare that there was a nut job in charge of North Korea who was egging on the world to a nuclear fist fight. What? He's not just a weather reporter? Son of a …

http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/world/vatican-beatifies-522-killed-in-spain

In other Ape news …

Ape was going to wax lyrical about how poor a rewards and recognition program Canonisation is based on the fact that you need to be dead and also an amateur magician with two demonstrated tricks to be eligible but it is getting late and Ape is tired. Instead here are some pics that were going to be part of that mad ramble. Feel free to make up your own post in your head to go with these images. I am sure it will be better than what Ape would have written.

“I don't think casual pizza Fridays is the hit I was expecting it to be. Hey who called me a tosser? Oh, dough tosser.”

“Well, I would love to recognise you for your performance but there is the matter of your still heart beating that can not be overlooked”

“And then he made mention of my still beating heart. What? That's just company policy? Jesus Christ! Sorry, I didn't actually mean you sir.”

Well done Ape you half arsed blogger.

 

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About Ape No. 1

This famous lowland gorilla was born on July 4, 1971, in San Francisco. He was a gorilla who mastered over 2,000 words in American Blog Language, allowing him to communicate with humans in an astounding way. Some people felt that he was simply making blogs without understanding their real meanings, in order to receive treats and rewards from his readers.
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4 Responses to Camera Adds Ten Glorious Pounds … And Bad Haircut

  1. List of X says:

    I can see Pope Francis already made pizza fly, and made previous pope retire from his post while Benedict was still alive. So that’s 2 miracles for pope Francis, so his heartbeat is the only thing preventing the canonization.

  2. HoaiPhai says:

    Love the pizza shot. It reminds me of the Everybody Loves Raymond episode where they are in Nemo’s, the local pizzeria, and there’s a photo of the Pope on the wall allegedly autographed with the inscription “Your pizza is infallible!”. Har!

    One time at the circus I saw a guy canonized but he landed safely in a net way on the other side of the tent. That alone was well worth enduring the odour of the elephants and tigers and stuff.

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